Chapter Twenty-Four: Weary

I’m struggling with the idea of a collective consciousness.

Because from what I understand, it means that we are all on the same thought wavelength. It means that at any given moment in time we are thinking the same thing, or have.

See, that second part makes sense. Think about how redundant life has become, especially with the internet being used as a tool to share, sometimes overshare. Think about the times you came up with an idea, but never put action to it, only to find out years later that it’s already been done.

But the dark side. That’s what I don’t get.

Like,

All the cruel things people do and say, how can those things take place within the collective consciousness? Why isn’t everyone living their best life or drawing closer to their ultimate end?

Maybe it has to do with our vibrations. Maybe the collective consciousness is a thing. A real thing. But it takes place on different vibrational planes. Thus, those with lower vibrations are the ones causing so much pain to others. Maybe that’s the thing.

I’m still learning. I’m still growing. Learning about vibrations and how to raise and protect them.

Vibrations=Energy=Spirit

Raise ’em up y’all!

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Chapter Twenty-Three: I Create What I Speak

A while back I posted a blog entitled “Be Specific.”

I’m here to tell you that times two.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I create what I speak is the meaning, the energy, the intention behind the word “abracadabra.” Do you know how powerful that is? That is to say that whatever I desire, when I speak it I am receiving it.

We all know words are powerful. They can make or break a person or a day. But do we truly understand how powerful words are, especially in combination with intention?

For a couple of months I kept saying, “Someone is going to gift me a MacBook.” I told everyone who would listen. I put it up as a Facebook status a couple of times. I just knew one was coming my way, free of charge.

I believed. Abracadabra!

I never got specific with my request though. I never said, “Someone is going to gift me a brand new MacBook Pro.”

So about two weeks ago someone actually did give me a MacBook. They really loaned it to me and then told me to keep it.

Whoa.

It’s an older model. I really needed it for class because MS Word wouldn’t fit on the Compaq laptop I’ve had for a while. The great thing is, MS Word is all ready to go on the MacBook. So I really received two things that I put out there. I needed a laptop that would allow me to install Word. I wanted a MacBook that would allow me to use Word. (See the difference in wording?)

This happened over a span of maybe three or four months. So while you’re being specific, also be patient.

Let me just say that intentions are the same as prayers so no matter what you believe, when you put someone out there, request something from the Universe or higher power, you’re intending for a return.

Go be great. Go create what you speak and believe it! Create the big things, the little things, the far fetched things. They can be yours, if you speak it and believe it.

Keep this in mind as the calendar year winds down and you begin to think about all the things you’ve needed and wanted. You still have time to get them!

Abracadabra. I create what I speak.

Be gentle with yourself. Be purposeful with your word. Be protective of your energy. Be unwavering with your love.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Blame It On…

When things don’t go our way we want to know why. When we are engaged in arguments we want to know why. When someone hurts us we want to know why.

Wanting to know why is cool. I encourage it because it will lead to a full understanding of each problem. I think emphasis should be put on what you did or said, not the other person.

In most situations we don’t try to find out the why, we try to find out who we should blame.

You may think that place of blame is important, if not necessary. Think about this, if you hear a rumor about you and pinpoint it back to the source, how would you handle it?

There would be a lot of “you” statements. “You spread lies about me.” “You knew that wasn’t true.” “You did this on purpose.”

What does that solve? In theory the person upset you, however what really upset you is what they did.

If we focus on the thing, not the person, who upsets us we would be better equipped to solve problems. We may even be more understanding of factors (see responding v. reacting). There is also a chance that we would remain unbiased during the situation.

By detaching the problem from the person you might be able to see different perspectives and come up with some really great solutions or a mutual understanding.

I’m learning this daily. A lot of times we want to bring up someone’s past, especially in relation to us, in order to seek justice on our behalf. I’ve found that by removing the person and dealing solely with the problem, it’s easier to pinpoint where things went wrong. It also allows for a more efficient way of going about it.

I’m not saying it works for everyone and everything. I’m saying, it at least deserves a try. You’d be surprised what you learn about yourself and others.

Chapter Twenty-One: I See the Youniverse Inside of U

I’m exploring. Exploring who I am and how I fit into this world. Exploring what I’m supposed to do while I’m here. Exploring ways to make my interactions meaningful.

This may sound “far out there” but whatever.

You ever look at a sunrise or sunset and have it resonate with your soul? Like it’s a reflection of yourself?

Well, me too!

When you’re facing challenges remember what’s inside. Remember that the youniverse is confusing and beautiful and even terrifying. All the things you are.

Remember that the youniverse has seen birth, death, change, growth, implosions, rain, hail, and anything else you can think of, but it’s still here.

You’re still here.

I’ve had a ton of things go wrong, but I’ve also had a ton of things go right. Looking back on it, everything was aligned so that I could be right here, writing this post trying to give hope where it seems to have all but vanished.

Remember who you are. What you are. Keep going, especially when it’s hard to do so.

And always, ALWAYS, be gentle with yourself.

Chapter Nineteen: Sometimes I’m Empty

Sometimes it’s super hard to get out of bed.  Like no matter how much sleep I get it’s never enough.

Sometimes I don’t have much patience and am easily irritated.

Sometimes I just want to fill the space, the air, the molecules, around me with every inch of my body.  Because if I swell up enough I’ll fill the void of interaction.

Sometimes I just don’t have the energy to talk.  Or smile.  Or think.  Or do.

Sometimes I’m empty.

Like I have nothing to give.

And in those moments I fold within myself.  I scream on the inside and try to rationalize.  I try to make sense of what I’m feeling and why.  I try to figure out the next move.  I just need to feel.  Feel what?  I have absolutely no words and negative energy to put forth actions.

What am I trying to accomplish? 

I have no damn idea.

What I give you is real.  There are times when I fight the words as I type them because, why am I giving so much of myself?  

So sometimes I’m so quiet I forget I exist.

And this may be one of those times.

But I always, ALWAYS, have hope for tomorrow.

 

Be gentle with yourself.

Chapter Eighteen: I Choose

I don’t know what to call this phase of my life.  I’m rediscovering who I am and making the connection between the three parts of me.  Who I used to be, who I am now, and who I aspire to be.  I’m filling in the blanks with a pencil because, for the first time in my life, I truly understand that it’s okay to make mistakes.

Earlier this month I drove to Colorado.  It was so beautiful!  I mean the journey, the site when I got there, the way people live.  I had never experienced anything like it before.  I fell in love with mountains that I hope to one day climb.  I was amazed at how genuine everyone was.  I love my city, but anyone from Chicago (proper) knows that we tend to keep our guard up.  That says a lot because I’m always open to people until they prove that I shouldn’t be.  But even in this situation I realized that I’m not as relaxed with others as I thought.

The drive back is what really got me thinking.  

I am horrible at driving at night.  I have glasses but didn’t think it was necessary to get the anti-glare lens.  Everyone speeds twice as much and seems to know where they’re going.  It literally makes me anxious.  Now add that with being on foreign road with little to no lights.  

I was a little pressed to say the least.

There are all of these turns and hills.  At one point I literally hit the brakes because the road was curving and I couldn’t see in front of me.  It was as if the road was leading me to the pits of hell.  I was going to fall off the earth.  

But the road kept going.

Driving at night, for me, is like going through life.  I don’t always see the next patch of the road.  In fact, sometimes I feel like I’ve reached the end and if I take one more step it will be my last.  There are times when I slow down or abruptly stop because I don’t feel prepared or am experiencing too much stimuli to assess the situation.  Sometimes I go faster than I should because the path ahead is clear.

I’m learning to keep going.  Because being stagnant or turning around because of fear isn’t the life I want to live.

This week, I’m going to leave you with another song.  A song that has helped me over the last two weeks to really keep going.  A song that has helped me see the beauty of who I am and who I’ve been.  A song that gives me hope for the person I want to be.

Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can’t change where you’ve been.  

But today, I have the opportunity to choose.

And I choose to be the best that I can be.

I choose to be authentic in everything I do.

My past don’t dictate who I am.

I choose.

-India.Arie

Continue to be gentle with yourself.

Chapter Seventeen: Be Alright

There’s always been those times when I needed a breather
When I might need a quick break from being the leader
Cause I’m just human, you gotta feel that
We’re all just here to learn and everyday we are put up to bat
If you feeling down, no you ain’t alone
And if you feeling all confused, no you are not on your own
Don’t stress, yeah we’re too blessed

Someone once told me babe when the tide gets high, you just get low
Hold your breath and take it slow
Yes I might get wet, I might get thrown
But I’ll resurface all on my own

I’ll be alright, be alright
Just go with the tide
I’ll be alright, be alright
I’ll be doing fine
Be alright, be alright
Just go with the tide

Life is full of ups and downs.  Lefts and rights.  Triumphs and defeats.  This could be happen on a small or large scale.  It all depends on the person.

I have difficulty, at times, with accepting my mental health issues.  I have anxiety, mild OCD, and an evolving form of depression.  There are days when I’m proud of myself for overcoming and pushing through the obstacles I’m faced with because of my mental health.  But there are also days when I’m “stuck” and don’t want to own it.  Because, at that time, if I own it then I feel like I’m labeling myself as unworthy of a lot of things.  I’m labeling myself as less than.

I’m more than worthy.  I’m far from less than.  Every day is a fight and as long as I keep fighting, I’m winning.

Today is one of those days.  You know how your day starts off bad?  For me it’s like everything is bloated and moving at a slow pace.  I can’t see past the current moment because I’m stuck in a mess of emotions.

It’s okay.

The Universe will give you want you need, and most times, what you want.  Whenever I’m in one of these moods.  Whenever I’m having this kind of day, this song comes on.  

Okay, first let me just say that Kehlani is life and you need some of her in your music library.  But this song is before she cut a deal.  This song comes from a real place.  This song reminds me that I’m human.  I’m allowed to feel every range of emotion.  I’m allowed to take time to myself.  I’m allowed to mess up.  But in order to keep getting better I have to also remember that life isn’t linear.  The most common theme of my blog, change is inevitable, will always be something I go back to.  So when I’m drowning, I have to learn to swim.  I have to learn to relax and float before life swallows me.

It will be fine.

A lot is changing for me right now.  A lot realizations are happening on different levels.  At any given moment, I may be a mess.  

But I’m not giving up.  And that’s what I want you to take away from this.  It will be alright.  You will get over and through whatever you’re going through.  And you aren’t alone.

Also, don’t forget to be gentle with yourself.