I’ll be 28 this year and that’s so close to 30 it’s unbelievable.
These last three months I’ve been doing shadow work, trying to face my fears, and really understand who I am. Deepak is a cool guy and he has an alphabetical meditation on iTunes. “M is for Mindfulness.” That’s what has been popping up lately. Out of all the music and media I have, this specific meditation has been following me. What’s sticks out about it is that at one point he talks about everything changing, but the things that remain the same, concerning your identity, are the things that are truly embedded in you.
That’s some deep stuff.
It’s like, if you’re always anger no matter what the situation is, maybe anger is something that you can’t change. But what happens when you don’t want to be angry?
I’ve also been reading. The Four Agreements and The Alchemist are some truly inspiring books to read, no matter what you believe. To know yourself is to know Gaia and the laws that govern this world. We give away so much of our power through bending to others and agreeing with even when we don’t want to.
Don’t bend so far that you break.
Over the last ten years I have agreed to so many things. I’ve agreed to situations, transitions, labels, emotions, understandings, relationships, and prewritten chapters of my life. Over the last eight years I’ve changed from being soft spoken and almost rigid to being a bit firm, and even abrasive.
Last night was the first time I recognized a characteristic that is intertwined in the makeup of my soul and it was like a breath of fresh air to see who I really am…and to accept it. Over the last three months I’ve broken so many agreements because I know better now. Understandings turn into innerstandings and in the process I realize that the Great I Am is indeed real.
I am everything I want to be and nothing that I used to be, and I say that with every ounce of love I have flowing through my body.
In the coming weeks, take time to get to know who you are, for real. Take away the people who come and go, the places you inhabit, the jobs that allow you access your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Get to know who you are at 8am, noon, 5pm, and midnight. Get to know what you like, no matter the day, hour, or temperature. Get to know your love, regardless of situation or person.
Get to know you. Then you will know what your soul looks like. And I can tell you right now, it’s beautiful. Beyond the pain and hurt and happy times, you’re beautiful.
And of course, as always, be gentle with yourself.