Chapter Twelve: Find Your Root

Why do you do the things you do? Why are you the way you are? Learned behaviors play a key role in figuring out the answers to those questions. 

About a week and a half ago two important things happened. The first was my twenty-seventh birthday. The second was my friend graduating from her master’s program. Well two months ago we decided to celebrate them both simultaneously. I wanted to go to Miami, but was open to other locations. A month later nothing solid had been put into place. I had basically given up on going anywhere or doing anything. She started to really look into locations and prices. She chose New Orleans and I was upset. I wanted to go but how could I when this was so last minute?

After some back and forth I agreed and purchased my plan tickets. I still had some reservations because I felt like I wasn’t prepared. And I was still a little angry because people know that I am a planner. 

The day before my birthday I spent time on the lake front. I did some yoga and laid out. I felt so much gratitude. I saw twenty-six as the year of reflection. Twenty-seven had to be the year of manifestation. 

After I left the lake front I went to see my mom at her job. We talked about my plans to go out of town and what I had done that day. I invited her to come do yoga with me. I said we could plan be night before and she said, “You know I plan my life in advance.”

That’s when it dawned on me. I said, “Yes I know. And you’re my root. My friend wakes up and goes places while I wake up and plan to go places months from the day.”

Guise, we gotta live life. 

A learned behavior. I learned that planning is essential, so much so that I was unable to budge without a plan. That day I thought about all the learned behaviors that make me who I am. While I wouldn’t change who I’ve become, not every behavior is good or positive or beneficial. I realized that in order to really tackle an internal problem like this, I had to figure out when it started. Why it started. I had to evaluate how it could be holding me back from achieving greatness. 

We went to New Orleans. While I may not have found my great great great great great great grandmother, I found a feeling of excitement, opportunity, growth, and belonging. The tours we went on. The people we met. The history we learned. Every aspect screamed, “find your root.” 

Who am I? Who will I become? What will I achieve? The answer is limitless. I am limitless. I will be limitless. And I will achieve unimaginable levels of greatness. 

But first, I have to find my root(s).


ūüď∑: jywilson

Chapter Nine: Let Go

You know how you struggle with a message that you know is just for you? Like when you’re going through relationship problems and your friends tell you what you need to hear but you just aren’t in the place to receive it? Actually, maybe you are in the place but you choose to fight it from every angle. 

Don’t be that way. 

Now let’s use some cliches so you know it’s real. 

Life is full of seasons. People, places, and things all coordinate with the seasons of our individual lives. A lot of people who believe this tend to think that the actual division of weather aligns with their individual season, but that isn’t always the case. 

I don’t have those answers. Just some insight to how it works for me. 

Letting go is like the wind. It blows every which way and you have to know which way so you don’t get knocked down. It’s ever present in every season. It’s sometimes more calm in one season than in others. 

Let go continuously. 

We tend to hold on to things and people we think benefit us or that/who we benefit. That’s simply no reason to hold on when it’s completely untrue. 

Evaluate the things and people who you give your time and energy to. Evaluate the things and people who steal your time and energy and leave you ragged, restless, and empty. 

I used to hold on to everything good and let go of everything bad. I would consciously sort out the events in my life to make sure I remembered all the details of things that made me happy. So here I am, twenty-six, trying to figure out how I really felt in certain situations because I only chose to keep half it. 

 You cannot appreciate the good without the bad.

All the sayings are true.  So just learn to continuously let go.  You may not be aware of all of the things you’re holding on to.  All of the things that are stopping you from doing something or being something.  Let’s just stop with the self sabotage.

While writing this, a friend of mine asked me what I was letting go of.  I said nothing.  How can that be?  How can you write about something you aren’t actively engaging in?

Well, I’m continuously letting go of fear.  It keeps me from speaking up and speaking out.  It keeps me from really being my authentic self.  I’m always worried about hurting someone’s feelings or coming off too harsh. I’m always worried about sounding too crazy or being too silly.  Fear is preventing me from really living.  And I’m the one allowing it to do so.

Let go, daily, even if it’s in a small way.  Don’t allow things to irk you as much.  Don’t feel obligated to people you don’t want to be obligated to.  

Let go.  It’s okay.  Things will happen just as they are destined to.  But we must let go to make room for change and growth.

 

Chapter Six: You’re Where You’re Supposed to Be

I’ve been searching for my place. In life in general. In the lives of others. Even in my life. 

I have somehow gotten out of the habit of taking time for me. Doing things I enjoy. While I continuously surround myself with people who have my best interest at heart, I need to have my best interest at heart as well. 

Today, I contemplated where I stood in the universe. [Allow yourself to feel] Things are bottled up. They are trying to find an exit, but I won’t allow the breakdown. The inevitable. 

My sister is actually pretty great. I shared these things with her and her response?

Just because today isn’t great doesn’t reflect who you are. Maybe today the Universe needed to show someone else where they stand in life. It’s going to be okay. 

Wow. 

I haven’t heard such great words in a while. 

You’re right where you’re supposed to be. And when you feel displaced, remember that your situation isn’t a reflection of you. You’re great. Beautiful. Strong. And you’re going to make it. 

You’re right where you’re supposed to be. 

Chapter One: Uprooted

Sometimes you have to be yanked out of your current situation and placed into another.  Sometimes this different place can be familiar, other times not.

The goal is to learn. ¬†Take what you learned in your previous position and apply it to the new one. ¬†You cannot keep growing if you do not keep learning. ¬†Ask questions. ¬†Think! ¬†Don’t be afraid to sound crazy or weird.

Most of my life was lived inside a bubble.  After I graduated college I gave in to the unwavering urge to get out and live.  I left behind everything and went a journey.  For two years I forsake everything I thought I knew for things that I was open to learn.  There were a lot of ups and downs.  There were a lot of times I wondered what the next step was, or even if there was a next step.  

When I finally came home, everything was familiar and strange all at the same time. ¬†I was lost in a city I once knew like the back of my hand. ¬†I was literally lost. ¬†I got off the train and didn’t know which direction was which. ¬†Nothing looked the same. ¬†The air smelled differently. ¬†

But I kept going.

I figured out where I was headed and things started to look more and more familiar.  

The lesson is that there is mystery even in the parts of life you think you know most. ¬†There are other dimensions. ¬†Other passions. ¬†Other paths to pursue. ¬†You’re going to freak out every once in a while. ¬†You may ask yourself how you got here and where to go next. ¬†But adventures are funny. ¬†When you allow yourself to experience and learn, you allow yourself to be open to endless possibilities. ¬†When you allow yourself to freak out and continuously cling to what once was, you put yourself in a box, limiting what you can do and where you can go.

I’m not saying its all perfect. ¬†It’s almost been a year and sometimes I think I’ve made more mistakes than progress. ¬†But I’ve finally learned to accept the journey for what is instead of making it something it should never be.

Have you ever been on a roller coaster? ¬†That initial fear when you finally get strapped into the seat before take off is insane. ¬†You’re wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into. ¬†You’re contemplating jumping off before the ride starts. ¬†

But then it zooms off.

You’re scared. ¬†As you reach the first twist you grab on for dear life. ¬†When you approach the first drop your heart seems like it will jump out of your chest. ¬†The anticipation is almost crippling. ¬†You’re staring ahead of you wondering if you should look. ¬†If you should keep your eyes open. ¬†Even wondering if this is the end.

But then you drop and you’re essentially weightless. ¬†You’re headed toward the ground and just before you hit the ground, the ride swoops back up, taking you to another loop.

That’s life. ¬†Choose to live it with your eyes open. ¬†Choose to acknowledge the drops when they come, but hold on to the security of knowing that it won’t be the end. ¬†Make those twists and turns something of a sport. ¬†Let’s see just how flexible you are-mentally and emotionally. ¬†How much did you learn from the last twist that applies to this current turn?

Yet always, always remember…

Be gentle with yourself along the way.  You will mess up.  You will fall.  But you will get back up stronger than you were before.