Chapter Six: Freedom

Someone once asked Nina Simone what freedom means to her. “No fear” is what she said.

That’s powerful. Understand that our conditioning and socialization is based off of fear. We fear the consequences of things so we avoid doing or saying things. We are taught to literally hate certain aspects of others, with an underlying basis of fear. Fear that who or what makes up another person is a threat to us.

This is why people hate people who are gay, black, brown, spiritual, tall, short, homeless, rick, poor, etc.

We’ve been living in fear and some may not know it. Many may not understand it. But the saddest part is, few are doing little to nothing to break away.

There was a time when I lived heavily in fear. Fear of not being accepted. Of failing. At one point I literally feared living. I couldn’t imagine what the next moment could be and I didn’t want to know either.

Yet, here I am. Happy that I was able to somehow work through not only those moment of deep, dark fear, but that period of my life overall.

The other day I was thinking about some of the experiences that have shaped who I am today. I realized that I never really asked permission to be whoever I felt I truly was. I never asked permission to identify as something other than heterosexual, black, Christian, or anything else that’s changed in the last ten years. Don’t get me wrong, the moments in between those changes were….exhausting and scary. Way scary.

Freedom is having no fear and living your life in the most authentic way possible. What makes you happy? What do you want to achieve (because it’s never too late, there are soooo many avenues of achievement so don’t stifle your own growth)?

Figure out what freedoms means to you and start making the necessary changes to live. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to others. Be the most authentic version of yourself imaginable.

cc: nickolas sundberg

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Chapter Two: Truth and Disposition

I’m learning that attitude is everything.  Y’all, attitude is everything.  It dictates how you respond to people, how your day will go, how you feel about yourself.

My mantra for the last month or so has been, “Your disposition in life has nothing to do with me. My disposition in life has nothing to do with you.”

I recite this when I’m getting impatient or angry. I recite it when someone is treating me like crap, especially when I don’t know them.

We all wake up and experience this entire world in entirely different ways. That’s where the perception of truth comes in. I can say you cut me off in traffic, you can say there was plenty of room for you to switch lanes. I could allow myself to be upset or I can recite my mantra and understand that whatever I have going on that has me riled up has nothing to do with you. This allows me to reclaim my actions and engage in an appropriate or civil manner.

I especially love to remember this when others are being rude or mean. Man oh man, can you imagine how much love I have to conjure up to melt the cold ice inside? It’s easy to be hateful and rude, but to say that whatever you have going on won’t change how I interact with you is something entirely different. It’s about understanding that we all go through stuff and that stuff will change our perception, or truth, at every turn.

You ever have a great morning but by noon it’s the worst day of your life to date? Check in with yourself.

So when things start to get heavy just remember you have the option and ability to make every situation better, if not for others then do it for yourself. You deserve sunshine and rainbows and happiness.

Chapter One: What Does Your Soul Look Like?

I’ll be 28 this year and that’s so close to 30 it’s unbelievable.  

These last three months I’ve been doing shadow work, trying to face my fears, and really understand who I am.  Deepak is a cool guy and he has an alphabetical meditation on iTunes.  “M is for Mindfulness.”  That’s what has been popping up lately.  Out of all the music and media I have, this specific meditation has been following me.  What’s sticks out about it is that at one point he talks about everything changing, but the things that remain the same, concerning your identity, are the things that are truly embedded in you.

That’s some deep stuff.

It’s like, if you’re always anger no matter what the situation is, maybe anger is something that you can’t change.  But what happens when you don’t want to be angry?  

I’ve also been reading.  The Four Agreements and The Alchemist are some truly inspiring books to read, no matter what you believe.  To know yourself is to know Gaia and the laws that govern this world.  We give away so much of our power through bending to others and agreeing with even when we don’t want to.

Don’t bend so far that you break.

Over the last ten years I have agreed to so many things.  I’ve agreed to situations, transitions, labels, emotions, understandings, relationships, and prewritten chapters of my life.  Over the last eight years I’ve changed from being soft spoken and almost rigid to being a bit firm, and even abrasive.

Last night was the first time I recognized a characteristic that is intertwined in the makeup of my soul and it was like a breath of fresh air to see who I really am…and to accept it.  Over the last three months I’ve broken so many agreements because I know better now.  Understandings turn into innerstandings and in the process I realize that the Great I Am is indeed real.  

I Am.

I am everything I want to be and nothing that I used to be, and I say that with every ounce of love I have flowing through my body.

In the coming weeks, take time to get to know who you are, for real.  Take away the people who come and go, the places you inhabit, the jobs that allow you access your strengths and work on your weaknesses.  Get to know who you are at 8am, noon, 5pm, and midnight.  Get to know what you like, no matter the day, hour, or temperature.  Get to know your love, regardless of situation or person.

Get to know you.  Then you will know what your soul looks like.  And I can tell you right now, it’s beautiful.  Beyond the pain and hurt and happy times, you’re beautiful.

And of course, as always, be gentle with yourself.

*Expect new blog posts every third Friday of the month*

Book Three: Two Thousand Eighteen

Imagine me being hesitant about returning.

What do I write about? I don’t know much. In fact, in my quest for knowledge I found that I know nothing.

But I couldn’t abandon something that means so much to me. Something that depicts my growth. Something that isn’t necessarily for you, but is most certainly for me.

Look out because things are changing.

One post a month. More meaning. More depth. More searching.

I won’t apologize for any of my opinions. I hope you won’t apologize for yours either.

It’s all love and good vibes and I’m glad you’re still here for the ride.

Chapter Twenty-Four: Weary

I’m struggling with the idea of a collective consciousness.

Because from what I understand, it means that we are all on the same thought wavelength. It means that at any given moment in time we are thinking the same thing, or have.

See, that second part makes sense. Think about how redundant life has become, especially with the internet being used as a tool to share, sometimes overshare. Think about the times you came up with an idea, but never put action to it, only to find out years later that it’s already been done.

But the dark side. That’s what I don’t get.

Like,

All the cruel things people do and say, how can those things take place within the collective consciousness? Why isn’t everyone living their best life or drawing closer to their ultimate end?

Maybe it has to do with our vibrations. Maybe the collective consciousness is a thing. A real thing. But it takes place on different vibrational planes. Thus, those with lower vibrations are the ones causing so much pain to others. Maybe that’s the thing.

I’m still learning. I’m still growing. Learning about vibrations and how to raise and protect them.

Vibrations=Energy=Spirit

Raise ’em up y’all!

Chapter Twenty-Three: I Create What I Speak

A while back I posted a blog entitled “Be Specific.”

I’m here to tell you that times two.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I create what I speak is the meaning, the energy, the intention behind the word “abracadabra.” Do you know how powerful that is? That is to say that whatever I desire, when I speak it I am receiving it.

We all know words are powerful. They can make or break a person or a day. But do we truly understand how powerful words are, especially in combination with intention?

For a couple of months I kept saying, “Someone is going to gift me a MacBook.” I told everyone who would listen. I put it up as a Facebook status a couple of times. I just knew one was coming my way, free of charge.

I believed. Abracadabra!

I never got specific with my request though. I never said, “Someone is going to gift me a brand new MacBook Pro.”

So about two weeks ago someone actually did give me a MacBook. They really loaned it to me and then told me to keep it.

Whoa.

It’s an older model. I really needed it for class because MS Word wouldn’t fit on the Compaq laptop I’ve had for a while. The great thing is, MS Word is all ready to go on the MacBook. So I really received two things that I put out there. I needed a laptop that would allow me to install Word. I wanted a MacBook that would allow me to use Word. (See the difference in wording?)

This happened over a span of maybe three or four months. So while you’re being specific, also be patient.

Let me just say that intentions are the same as prayers so no matter what you believe, when you put someone out there, request something from the Universe or higher power, you’re intending for a return.

Go be great. Go create what you speak and believe it! Create the big things, the little things, the far fetched things. They can be yours, if you speak it and believe it.

Keep this in mind as the calendar year winds down and you begin to think about all the things you’ve needed and wanted. You still have time to get them!

Abracadabra. I create what I speak.

Be gentle with yourself. Be purposeful with your word. Be protective of your energy. Be unwavering with your love.

Chapter Twenty: If It Makes You Happy

Let me just start by saying that two weeks ago I was empty and today my mind is blown by the things have taken place since then. So please, let that serve as a great testament that it truly does get better!

I never doubted it would.

Two weeks have brought upon transformation with my personal and work life. Maybe it was the full moon and the wonderful full moon ritual I was blessed to take part in. And maybe the Universe saw fit to shine down on me a little more than usual.

I can breathe.

These last couple of months have been full of bouts of being stuck and figuring out just what I’m made of. I’ve been a supervisor before, but I’m in a different setting now that pushes me beyond my limits. I’ve been tried and tried again. I have remained constant, direct, and immovable on things that have caused great push back. Y’all I’m stronger (in my Christina Aguilera voice).

In my personal life I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do. What makes me happy. What I can make time for. And that is why this picture is important. While I’m still taking donations for a new camera set (via cash app using $plberry), I was able to purchase some lightly used cameras. I’ve discovered just how happy photography makes me. Playing with lighting and shadows. Catching nature in moments where it’s vulnerable and most beautiful. Man! Y’all I’m hyped. Yeah it’s not the best camera, but it’s definitely a start.

You gotta start something to be able to finish it.

I also purchased two film cameras that I’m going to learn to work with. They’re classic and I’m ready to take on the world!

These things make me happy. In the next couple of months I will be diving deep into guitar now that I’ve found a couple of people, and even a friend, who are willing to teach me.

Do things that make you happy! The happiness you create for yourself can’t be taken away. Do things for yourself, not for others. Make sure you’re okay before you make sure someone else is okay. Love yourself. All of you. Every crevice. Every flaw. Discover your passions.

Be unapologetically you.

Two weeks ago I was empty and now I’m so full I just may burst. Because so much is happening. I didn’t allow life to kick my ass. I acknowledged what was going on with me. I addressed it. I allowed myself to feel. And then I didn’t give up.

It wasn’t easy by any means. And it definitely takes practice. I’ve had to realign some chakras and meditate. Do some yoga and take time to myself to be by myself and acknowledge my issues. I had to rebuild the confidence that was slipping away and create some new tactics to deal.

If it makes you happy

It can’t be that bad

If it makes you happy

Then why the hell are you so sad?