Chapter Twenty-Four: Weary

I’m struggling with the idea of a collective consciousness.

Because from what I understand, it means that we are all on the same thought wavelength. It means that at any given moment in time we are thinking the same thing, or have.

See, that second part makes sense. Think about how redundant life has become, especially with the internet being used as a tool to share, sometimes overshare. Think about the times you came up with an idea, but never put action to it, only to find out years later that it’s already been done.

But the dark side. That’s what I don’t get.

Like,

All the cruel things people do and say, how can those things take place within the collective consciousness? Why isn’t everyone living their best life or drawing closer to their ultimate end?

Maybe it has to do with our vibrations. Maybe the collective consciousness is a thing. A real thing. But it takes place on different vibrational planes. Thus, those with lower vibrations are the ones causing so much pain to others. Maybe that’s the thing.

I’m still learning. I’m still growing. Learning about vibrations and how to raise and protect them.

Vibrations=Energy=Spirit

Raise ’em up y’all!

Advertisements

Chapter Twenty-Three: I Create What I Speak

A while back I posted a blog entitled “Be Specific.”

I’m here to tell you that times two.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I create what I speak is the meaning, the energy, the intention behind the word “abracadabra.” Do you know how powerful that is? That is to say that whatever I desire, when I speak it I am receiving it.

We all know words are powerful. They can make or break a person or a day. But do we truly understand how powerful words are, especially in combination with intention?

For a couple of months I kept saying, “Someone is going to gift me a MacBook.” I told everyone who would listen. I put it up as a Facebook status a couple of times. I just knew one was coming my way, free of charge.

I believed. Abracadabra!

I never got specific with my request though. I never said, “Someone is going to gift me a brand new MacBook Pro.”

So about two weeks ago someone actually did give me a MacBook. They really loaned it to me and then told me to keep it.

Whoa.

It’s an older model. I really needed it for class because MS Word wouldn’t fit on the Compaq laptop I’ve had for a while. The great thing is, MS Word is all ready to go on the MacBook. So I really received two things that I put out there. I needed a laptop that would allow me to install Word. I wanted a MacBook that would allow me to use Word. (See the difference in wording?)

This happened over a span of maybe three or four months. So while you’re being specific, also be patient.

Let me just say that intentions are the same as prayers so no matter what you believe, when you put someone out there, request something from the Universe or higher power, you’re intending for a return.

Go be great. Go create what you speak and believe it! Create the big things, the little things, the far fetched things. They can be yours, if you speak it and believe it.

Keep this in mind as the calendar year winds down and you begin to think about all the things you’ve needed and wanted. You still have time to get them!

Abracadabra. I create what I speak.

Be gentle with yourself. Be purposeful with your word. Be protective of your energy. Be unwavering with your love.

Chapter Twenty-Two: Blame It On…

When things don’t go our way we want to know why. When we are engaged in arguments we want to know why. When someone hurts us we want to know why.

Wanting to know why is cool. I encourage it because it will lead to a full understanding of each problem. I think emphasis should be put on what you did or said, not the other person.

In most situations we don’t try to find out the why, we try to find out who we should blame.

You may think that place of blame is important, if not necessary. Think about this, if you hear a rumor about you and pinpoint it back to the source, how would you handle it?

There would be a lot of “you” statements. “You spread lies about me.” “You knew that wasn’t true.” “You did this on purpose.”

What does that solve? In theory the person upset you, however what really upset you is what they did.

If we focus on the thing, not the person, who upsets us we would be better equipped to solve problems. We may even be more understanding of factors (see responding v. reacting). There is also a chance that we would remain unbiased during the situation.

By detaching the problem from the person you might be able to see different perspectives and come up with some really great solutions or a mutual understanding.

I’m learning this daily. A lot of times we want to bring up someone’s past, especially in relation to us, in order to seek justice on our behalf. I’ve found that by removing the person and dealing solely with the problem, it’s easier to pinpoint where things went wrong. It also allows for a more efficient way of going about it.

I’m not saying it works for everyone and everything. I’m saying, it at least deserves a try. You’d be surprised what you learn about yourself and others.

Chapter Twenty-One: I See the Youniverse Inside of U

I’m exploring. Exploring who I am and how I fit into this world. Exploring what I’m supposed to do while I’m here. Exploring ways to make my interactions meaningful.

This may sound “far out there” but whatever.

You ever look at a sunrise or sunset and have it resonate with your soul? Like it’s a reflection of yourself?

Well, me too!

When you’re facing challenges remember what’s inside. Remember that the youniverse is confusing and beautiful and even terrifying. All the things you are.

Remember that the youniverse has seen birth, death, change, growth, implosions, rain, hail, and anything else you can think of, but it’s still here.

You’re still here.

I’ve had a ton of things go wrong, but I’ve also had a ton of things go right. Looking back on it, everything was aligned so that I could be right here, writing this post trying to give hope where it seems to have all but vanished.

Remember who you are. What you are. Keep going, especially when it’s hard to do so.

And always, ALWAYS, be gentle with yourself.

Chapter Eighteen: I Choose

I don’t know what to call this phase of my life.  I’m rediscovering who I am and making the connection between the three parts of me.  Who I used to be, who I am now, and who I aspire to be.  I’m filling in the blanks with a pencil because, for the first time in my life, I truly understand that it’s okay to make mistakes.

Earlier this month I drove to Colorado.  It was so beautiful!  I mean the journey, the site when I got there, the way people live.  I had never experienced anything like it before.  I fell in love with mountains that I hope to one day climb.  I was amazed at how genuine everyone was.  I love my city, but anyone from Chicago (proper) knows that we tend to keep our guard up.  That says a lot because I’m always open to people until they prove that I shouldn’t be.  But even in this situation I realized that I’m not as relaxed with others as I thought.

The drive back is what really got me thinking.  

I am horrible at driving at night.  I have glasses but didn’t think it was necessary to get the anti-glare lens.  Everyone speeds twice as much and seems to know where they’re going.  It literally makes me anxious.  Now add that with being on foreign road with little to no lights.  

I was a little pressed to say the least.

There are all of these turns and hills.  At one point I literally hit the brakes because the road was curving and I couldn’t see in front of me.  It was as if the road was leading me to the pits of hell.  I was going to fall off the earth.  

But the road kept going.

Driving at night, for me, is like going through life.  I don’t always see the next patch of the road.  In fact, sometimes I feel like I’ve reached the end and if I take one more step it will be my last.  There are times when I slow down or abruptly stop because I don’t feel prepared or am experiencing too much stimuli to assess the situation.  Sometimes I go faster than I should because the path ahead is clear.

I’m learning to keep going.  Because being stagnant or turning around because of fear isn’t the life I want to live.

This week, I’m going to leave you with another song.  A song that has helped me over the last two weeks to really keep going.  A song that has helped me see the beauty of who I am and who I’ve been.  A song that gives me hope for the person I want to be.

Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can’t change where you’ve been.  

But today, I have the opportunity to choose.

And I choose to be the best that I can be.

I choose to be authentic in everything I do.

My past don’t dictate who I am.

I choose.

-India.Arie

Continue to be gentle with yourself.

Dear No One,

I’m none of the things you thought I would be. You can say it’s because of you or you can admit it’s because I was never yours.

You planted a lot of hateful seeds. Like you tried to set me up for failure. But I spent my childhood building up a fortress against your attacks.

So thank you for being everything I didn’t need. For being everything I didn’t want. And for being the darkness so that I could find everlasting light.

Dear No One,

I remember wanting to be just like you. You were (hashtag) goals! I never really had anyone to look up to and it seemed that you entered my life at just the right time.

You were the best at everything and required nothing but that.

And then I came along lol.

I’ve never wanted to be the best. I’ve never cared to be the best. I never will be the best.

But that’s okay. I’m okay with being who I am. And that took a long time.

I love and respect you for all that you’ve done.

Maybe one day I will love and respect you for letting go.

Dear No One,

I remember hating you. I remember thinking you would mess everything up. Or maybe I would mess everything up. I had never had anyone like you in my life so I didn’t know how to adjust.

But you’ve remained warm and caring and always remind me that you’re there.

Thank you.

Dear No One,

I used to bargain with God. I used to pray for your safety. I used to ask Him to bring you back so things could go back to how they were.

Then I had to pray to stop hating you.

I get it now and I choose to believe that you did this out of love. Knowing what you could and couldn’t do, you chose the best option for me.

So now I don’t pray for you at all, I just wish you well.

Dear No One,

It’s been too long. Every year I search for you. Every year my heart gets heavy wondering if you’re searching for me as well. And every year that goes by are filled with tucked away memories I hope to share with you one day.

I’m sorry I didn’t fight for you. It took me too long to realize that children are anything but weak. That children can change the world. That children change people. That children are more than capable of making a difference.

I’m sorry and I will never stop looking for you and loving you.

Dear No One,

You’ve always been supportive and I’ve never had to question our relationship. Maybe we were really meant to be related. I’ve always admired you because you’re one of the sweetest and most outspoken people I know. You loved that part of you early on and it’s made you my sheroe.

Dear No One,

We were close. But the longer I stayed away the more we drifted apart. I needed your love, but I needed me more. So now when I see you, I recognize our history and that we may never have a future.

Dear No One,

I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment we formally met. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you smile and heard you laugh. I’ve loved you from the beginning and I fought it because I didn’t want it.

You have helped me explore parts of myself I was afraid to even acknowledge. You have helped me stay grounded. You have taught me more things than I can count.

You are the breath of fresh air that I needed and free spirit I needed to help me explore.

If I have to lose you now at least I know what it means to love, be loved, and be free.

Chapter Sixteen: Keep Choosing Yourself

I've never really fit in with anyone or anywhere.  Today I'm totally okay with that.  However, when I was younger I clung to people and things that seemed to fit and accept me.  I refused to let go because it always felt great when I felt chosen.

Years went by with me feeling this way.  My adolescent years were crazy plus more crazy with a little crazy on top.  The internal struggle I went through, just to accept myself, was beyond tiresome.

We won't go to the dark places today.

Over the last seven or so years I've learned to be okay with who I am.  I've learned to make decisions for myself.  I've learned that it's okay to be weird (or as I used to say, creatively different).  Y'all I was weird before it was cool.  All this "in" stuff now used to be territory you did not discuss with others because you'd be labeled crazy real quick.

The more I began to choose me, the more people and things I realized served me no purpose.  I've lost a ton.  I've lost people who I thought would be there for the rest of my life.

The last two years have been especially hard.  I've gone back and forth with who I used to be and who I needed to be.  I was trying to hold on to -ships I knew weren't healthy.  I was holding in feelings and making myself crazy.

I lost more people.

It's a weird feeling to lose so many people and to initially panic but then realize you still have yourself so it's all good.  I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror.  I have to be proud of myself.  I have to be my biggest cheerleader.  I have to have my back at all times.  Yeah, it's cool if someone finds their way into my life, but I know that doesn't mean they're staying.  I have to be okay with that.

No more, people are here for a reason and a season.  That's a given.  What we need to learn is how to let go.  Let go of others without losing ourselves.

So we have to keep choosing ourselves.  It will make others angry.  It will make them leave.  It will make them give you ultimatums.  It will hurt.  It will hurt like hell.  But we choose ourselves today so that we don't regret it tomorrow.