I don’t know what to call this phase of my life. I’m rediscovering who I am and making the connection between the three parts of me. Who I used to be, who I am now, and who I aspire to be. I’m filling in the blanks with a pencil because, for the first time in my life, I truly understand that it’s okay to make mistakes.
Earlier this month I drove to Colorado. It was so beautiful! I mean the journey, the site when I got there, the way people live. I had never experienced anything like it before. I fell in love with mountains that I hope to one day climb. I was amazed at how genuine everyone was. I love my city, but anyone from Chicago (proper) knows that we tend to keep our guard up. That says a lot because I’m always open to people until they prove that I shouldn’t be. But even in this situation I realized that I’m not as relaxed with others as I thought.
The drive back is what really got me thinking.
I am horrible at driving at night. I have glasses but didn’t think it was necessary to get the anti-glare lens. Everyone speeds twice as much and seems to know where they’re going. It literally makes me anxious. Now add that with being on foreign road with little to no lights.
I was a little pressed to say the least.
There are all of these turns and hills. At one point I literally hit the brakes because the road was curving and I couldn’t see in front of me. It was as if the road was leading me to the pits of hell. I was going to fall off the earth.
But the road kept going.
Driving at night, for me, is like going through life. I don’t always see the next patch of the road. In fact, sometimes I feel like I’ve reached the end and if I take one more step it will be my last. There are times when I slow down or abruptly stop because I don’t feel prepared or am experiencing too much stimuli to assess the situation. Sometimes I go faster than I should because the path ahead is clear.
I’m learning to keep going. Because being stagnant or turning around because of fear isn’t the life I want to live.
This week, I’m going to leave you with another song. A song that has helped me over the last two weeks to really keep going. A song that has helped me see the beauty of who I am and who I’ve been. A song that gives me hope for the person I want to be.
Because you never know where life is gonna take you and you can’t change where you’ve been.
But today, I have the opportunity to choose.
And I choose to be the best that I can be.
I choose to be authentic in everything I do.
My past don’t dictate who I am.
Continue to be gentle with yourself.