Chapter Twelve: Find Your Root

Why do you do the things you do? Why are you the way you are? Learned behaviors play a key role in figuring out the answers to those questions. 

About a week and a half ago two important things happened. The first was my twenty-seventh birthday. The second was my friend graduating from her master’s program. Well two months ago we decided to celebrate them both simultaneously. I wanted to go to Miami, but was open to other locations. A month later nothing solid had been put into place. I had basically given up on going anywhere or doing anything. She started to really look into locations and prices. She chose New Orleans and I was upset. I wanted to go but how could I when this was so last minute?

After some back and forth I agreed and purchased my plan tickets. I still had some reservations because I felt like I wasn’t prepared. And I was still a little angry because people know that I am a planner. 

The day before my birthday I spent time on the lake front. I did some yoga and laid out. I felt so much gratitude. I saw twenty-six as the year of reflection. Twenty-seven had to be the year of manifestation. 

After I left the lake front I went to see my mom at her job. We talked about my plans to go out of town and what I had done that day. I invited her to come do yoga with me. I said we could plan be night before and she said, “You know I plan my life in advance.”

That’s when it dawned on me. I said, “Yes I know. And you’re my root. My friend wakes up and goes places while I wake up and plan to go places months from the day.”

Guise, we gotta live life. 

A learned behavior. I learned that planning is essential, so much so that I was unable to budge without a plan. That day I thought about all the learned behaviors that make me who I am. While I wouldn’t change who I’ve become, not every behavior is good or positive or beneficial. I realized that in order to really tackle an internal problem like this, I had to figure out when it started. Why it started. I had to evaluate how it could be holding me back from achieving greatness. 

We went to New Orleans. While I may not have found my great great great great great great grandmother, I found a feeling of excitement, opportunity, growth, and belonging. The tours we went on. The people we met. The history we learned. Every aspect screamed, “find your root.” 

Who am I? Who will I become? What will I achieve? The answer is limitless. I am limitless. I will be limitless. And I will achieve unimaginable levels of greatness. 

But first, I have to find my root(s).


📷: jywilson

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Chapter Seven: Be Vulnerable

We have become filled with pride, dislike, fluffed up personalities, and hardened by certain experiences. 

Here’s the catch. Things happen to you but they don’t define who you are. 

I was having a conversation with a friend and she helped me understand that I haven’t dealt with a lot of things from my past. I hate being stuck. I hate feeling like I have no room to grow. So even though I knew she was right, I chose to ignore it. 

Just a few days later I was on a weekly prayer call and was told the exact same thing. I thought, wow this is really something I need to deal with. 

It changed my mood. I was going through feelings and situations that I want to be reconciled but haven’t had the guts to confront. I thought by dealing with everything else, or even nothing at all, I was able to continue evolving. 

Understand, evolution can be stagnant. Everything around you is evolving so you think you’re doing the same thing. But really you’re being left behind. 

Deal with your issues. If something bothers you, talk about. If someone offends you and it makes you feel a way, talk to to them. 

I hate being vulnerable, as most people do. It’s like I’m naked in a crowd of people who can see every insecurity and flaw I have and that’s all they can see. Like every breath I take is being judged. 

I hate it. 

But we have to be vulnerable to deal with certain situations. It’s in our vulnerability that we find truth. That we accept everything we dislike about ourselves. It’s where we find overwhelming love for self and others. 

If I can’t acknowledge my weaknesses what makes me think I know what my strengths are? How do we find them? By being vulnerable. 

I’m not saying go out and shed your “clothes” for every person you encounter, in every setting. I’m saying, make your vulnerable moments count. When you aren’t sure. Own it. When you’re afraid own it. When you just don’t know how to make it. Own it! 

Go out and make every moment count, especially the vulnerable ones. Stand in the sun and allow it to kiss your skin, flaws and all. 

Chapter Six: You’re Where You’re Supposed to Be

I’ve been searching for my place. In life in general. In the lives of others. Even in my life. 

I have somehow gotten out of the habit of taking time for me. Doing things I enjoy. While I continuously surround myself with people who have my best interest at heart, I need to have my best interest at heart as well. 

Today, I contemplated where I stood in the universe. [Allow yourself to feel] Things are bottled up. They are trying to find an exit, but I won’t allow the breakdown. The inevitable. 

My sister is actually pretty great. I shared these things with her and her response?

Just because today isn’t great doesn’t reflect who you are. Maybe today the Universe needed to show someone else where they stand in life. It’s going to be okay. 

Wow. 

I haven’t heard such great words in a while. 

You’re right where you’re supposed to be. And when you feel displaced, remember that your situation isn’t a reflection of you. You’re great. Beautiful. Strong. And you’re going to make it. 

You’re right where you’re supposed to be. 

Chapter Three: When It Rains, It Rains Until It Stops

How long?

Every day won’t be perfect. Every week won’t be splendid. So what are we doing to make the most of it?

The last two weeks have been a roller coaster for me. And, sadly, for the most part I’ve let it get the best of me. 

I’ve meditated and had time to myself. I’ve attempted to talk about things and nothing seemed to work. 

But here’s the thing. I thought I was doing things to help work through whatever was going on but I was really just working against nature. 

You can’t have good days without bad ones. And when you have bad ones you need to listen to your body. You need to align yourself. I spent a lot of time these last couple of weeks taking care of others. Making sure they were okay and happy and staying positive. So much so that I forgot about myself. 

We cannot give what we do not have. 

So this week I’m working meditating the right way. Instead of saying, “Oh my word there are so many bad vibes inside me get them out!” I’m going to allow myself to feel and then allow myself to sort my emotions out. And then I will allow those bad vibes to flow easily and freely out. It does no good to spend time with yourself if you don’t know how to take care of and talk to yourself. 

It stops raining when you realize you have control over the storm. And you realize you have control over the storm when you can fully grasp the idea that how we experience things shapes who we are and how we react. 

Learn from the storm. Learn to weather it. Learn to still sow seeds in the midst of it. Learn to still bear good fruit in spite of it. 

You got this!

It stops raining when you realize you’re amazing and have so much power inside of you. And don’t trip if it takes you a while to get yourself together. It’s not a race.