Chapter Five: Be Specific

We all have needs and wants. But we often confuse the two. We need food, water, and housing. We want the best of all of those things. Sometimes we think if we can’t get the best we shouldn’t get anything. 

Needs over wants. 

You have to start from the base basic need in order to build up to the best of that need. 

So be specific. 

We put things out into the atmosphere. We ask God/the universe for so many things. We say, “I really want to find a better job.” Or, “I neee to pay my rent but I don’t know how I’m going to do that this month.” We put intentions out there without really following through or believing. 

When I was 17 I moved out of my aunt’s house. It wasn’t the best situation, but I admit that it could have been worse. I prayed for a way out for almost three years before my prayers were answered. 

Side note: be patient. 

Years later I found myself in an unhappy relationship. I had given so much. When we invest time and energy into something or someone, it’s hard to let go. (You don’t owe time or energy to anyone but yourself, just so you know.) I prayed for a sign that I needed to let go. That it was okay to let go. Not even twenty four hours later I received that sign, but I ignored it. 

Side note: be open to the answer, whether it’s what you want or not. Be ready to follow through. 

This past year, after spending so much time working two jobs, I prayed for a full-time position. I started landing interviews but didn’t have any offers. Then I prayed for a full-time position doing something I was passionate about. I landed more interviews than before and received some offers. I finally accepted a position that would allow me to obtain the experience I need for my desired field. 

This is why I say be specific and be ready to follow through. 

I’m a morning person and have been since the dawn of time. The position I accepted is second shift. That entails me going to work in the afternoon and getting home just after midnight. BUT it’s full-time. 

I put all my prayers and intentions into finding a full-time position in this field, but I forgot one the most important factors-time. Had I added that to my prayers and intentions I would have probably landed some type of dream job that I didn’t even qualify for. 

Things happen the way they happen because of our intentions, actions, and what we need, not want. 

I need the experience and I love the job, I just would have preferred a different shift. This just means I have to reset my intentions and work towards them. 

Be as specific as you can when you pray, set intentions, or begin manifesting. Be patient with the process. Trust God/the universe with timing. When you ask for something make sure you’re prepared for the answer. And make sure you’re ready to follow through, even if that means standing still. 

Chapter Four: Choose Fewer Battles

We have the ability to choose who and what to fight for. We can choose which people, situations, and conversations to put energy in. 

Here’s the kicker: because we can choose, we should choose less. 

You don’t have to attend every argument or engagement, nor do you have to engage in every person’s existence. 

Choose fewer battles. 

I read this once and it stuck with me because I get invested easily. You could tell me about what your expectations are for the coming week and if I see you again I’ll ask about it, ready to give encouraging words and help. This leads me to be in situations I don’t too much care for and then I have the greatest internal struggle trying to let it go or reconcile the fact that I get invested without trying. 

But we have to choose battles that are worth it. We have to choose battles that make sense. We have to choose battles that will help us be better people for ourselves and those we love. 

The most important thing we need to learn is when to no longer invest in a battle. 

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about getting another job. After obtaining clearance to start I had made up in my mind that I would work two jobs. Let me just tell you now that my mind was made up but my body was ready for the fight. 

After working an eight hour shift, getting nearly four hours of sleep, and going through an entire 13 hour day (twice in one week by the way), my mind had to let go of that dream. 

I enjoy staying busy. But I don’t enjoy not getting rest or time to myself. 

Today I put in my notice for a job I love, but does not allow me to do what I love. Today I decided that I had to choose fewer battles. I was unprepared for days a time, not getting enough rest, and even forgetting to eat. These are all essential things. 

With everything going on within the last week, somehow I still found time to myself most mornings. I found that having that time allowed me to function better, even if for only ten or twenty minutes. 

So in addition to choosing fewer battles, take that extra time and meditate or just do something that brings you joy. 

Choosing fewer battles doesn’t mean you’re giving in. Doing so means you’re setting yourself up for better. It means you’re saving that energy for things and people that matter. It means you’ll never regret the time and energy you put forth by thinking it was wasted. 

Choose yourself. 

Chapter Three: Occupy Space

I’ve always considered myself to be an introvert. Over the years I’ve adapted to the term ambivert because I’ve never fully gone over to the other side of the spectrum. Only when I’m with close knit friends and family am I over the top and mistaken as an extrovert. 

Tuesday night I attended a great event. The beautiful ladies of Party Noire came out and partnered with Open TV Tonight to throw one of the smoothest events I’ve attended in quite some time. It was all about #BlackJoy and being comfortable in spaces to express yourself. To be you, unapologetically. 

The feels!

They put together a great mini documentary that perfectly portrayed who they are and why they do what they do. The amount of brilliance, happiness, peace, positive energy, and hope in the room full of POC and Queer people was… incredible. 

Occupy space. 

One person asked how do you create and occupy the space to be yourself like that of Party Noire. 

The answer was simple. If you have a hand full of friends, ask them to invite a handful of friends and so forth. Use the space you have- your living room, basement, backyard- with like-minded people to evoke those feelings and energies. 

Occupy space. 

I attended this function alone. I was quite unsure of myself. I was unsure of how to occupy space in that space. I find that in these cases I attempt to make myself small. Instead of occupying whatever space my body and energy feels it needs, I take from whatever space it already has. 

Occupy space. 

Had I allowed myself to completely relax and not worry about space, I would have enjoyed the event even more. 

Don’t fight the space your body and spirit naturally occupies. Because by the end of the event or day you’ll find that you’re physically tense and angrily trying to unfold yourself. 

Don’t put yourself in tight spaces. Occupy space. 

I could give up. I could say, hey I went and  it was great. Even afterwards I found myself wishing I had allowed myself to be. I longed for a do over and even talked myself out of future events. 

I’m an ambivert and I don’t know how to occupy space. But I’m learning. I needed this to learn. So as I expose myself to different situations and people, each time I will get better at being. 

Occupy space. You’re growing in so many ways, in so many directions. You need to allow your body and spirit to do what they want. 

What Will We Do When They Come for Us?

I make no apologies for who I am or what I believe. 

I am human. I am a lesbian. I am black. I am a lover of philosophy and Jesus (not to be confused with the title “Christian”).

That being said, I’m having the hardest time wrapping my head around one person embodying so much hate that they can’t stand the existence of groups of people. They can’t live knowing they are breathing the same air. They can’t function on a daily basis without acknowledging that hate and making it known in some overt way. 

Donald Trump (better known as simply Donald or Voldemort) and his flunkies, his Death Eaters, are literally a force to be reckoned with. Our very existence depends on it. 

Yes, it is indeed time to get political. I have avoided it for far too long. 

Voldemort has attacked pretty much every minority group known, in some way or another. We barely budged when he signed off on the Dakota pipeline. We were appalled when he issued gag order after gag order in favor of his “alternative news.” We hollered when he told us we had to pay for this “great wall.” But what will we do now that he is deporting and prohibiting people from our land…their land? It’s hitting too close to home for me. Attack one group of people of color and that basically means you’re attacking us all. 

We have leaders ready to go to war against us (who knew World War III would come so quickly?). We have leaders taking in the very people being deported. 

But what are WE doing? While Voldemort continues to sign away our very lives we are sitting and watching. Some of us may even be praying. 

But where is our action?

Not everyone can protest. Hell, not everyone wants to protest. And honestly, protests without clear demands aren’t helpful in getting things done, but creating awareness. But what can you do? Can you blog? Can you tweet? Can you organize?

This is the time to fight back. Our liberties are at stake. Our homes. Our freedom. And our lives. 

Our lives are at stake. 

We saw that, in the first day or so with the repeal of the Affordable Healthcare Act, Anglo-Saxons aren’t safe. We saw with the signing of the Dakota pipeline that Natives aren’t safe. We are seeing now that our Middle Eastern and African brothers and sisters aren’t safe. So when will you realize you aren’t safe either?

Get out there. Use your gifts. Spread the word. Take action. We hear all this talk about the 1%. Well, what about the 99%? 

Chapter Two: “Stoop Kid’s Afraid to Leave His Stoop.”

When I came up with this title I had no idea how much it resonated with me. For years I was working a job that was supposed to last long enough for me to find something “real,” meaning a career. 

Three entire years. 

I had tried to quit several times. I even picked up a second job hoping it would turn into a full-time position. But I did that with no luck. 

Three entire years. 

I hardly thought about moving up because I didn’t want to be there. I learned all the things that outlined my position as we well as those higher up than me. I learned policies and procedures. I worked in high stress situations with a calm head. I found solutions to problems and suggested improvements. I even transferred locations and began to adjust all while getting in the groove of achieving everything I had achieved at my last location. 

Two years in and I realized how valuable I was and began talks about a promotion. 

—Don’t wait too long to realize how valuable you are or how much potential you have and want to invest in leveling up. 

The promotion never came. After being overlooked countless times for something I felt I deserved and worked hard for, I had the final realization of, “Lol I don’t even want to be here.”

I, however, realized I was stuck. I had been working at this job for three years. This was how I met most of my friends. I had found a groove in how I worked. In many ways, this job helped shape certain parts of what makes me who I am. 

But I was over it. 

So I put in my notice. I had decided that if I wanted something different I had to make room for it. I thought, if I stayed different wouldn’t come. But if it did I would continue to be comfortable and let it pass me by. 

It’s been roughly two weeks since my last day and I am pleased, excited even, to say that different has come along. I landed a job doing something I’ve always wanted to do. While some aspects aren’t super great, I think back to three years ago when I didn’t have this opportunity. I think back to two years ago, or even one. I think about how, had I stayed and counted to wait I would have passed this new opportunity up. 

Be afraid of different, better, and new. But don’t be so afraid that you close yourself off to it. Think about what you want to achieve and what’s stopping you. Move that mountain! Cross that road! 

Don’t be afraid to leave your stoop. You just might find the very thing you’ve been looking and waiting for.

Chapter One: Love Isn’t Conditional

There are so many ways to love people.  You can love someone in several ways or one way.  The way you love someone transitions as your relationship goes through certain stages.  But love should never be conditional.

Love should never be, “I’ll love you if…”  It should never be, “I loved you when…”  When you love someone, in whatever capacity, it should remain.  That’s not to say you stay with someone who continues to treat you badly because you love them.  Love shouldn’t hurt physically, although emotionally we cannot avoid it.

I’ve struggled with understanding this and am just now coming to terms with it.  Love should never be conditional.  And just because others who don’t understand that choose to love you in a conditional way, it doesn’t mean you stoop to that level.

Love.  You can fall in and out of love but if you truly love someone you love them either way.  Love. Sometimes we have to learn to learn people in a different space because we grow in many ways.  Sometimes you have to love someone from a distance.  Wish them the very best in life, but understand that you are not meant to be in theirs.  

I think that’s what we forget.

Loving someone is not always wanting to be intimate or share moments.  It’s about wanting the best for them.  It’s about sending them good vibes even if you no longer talk.  It’s about thinking about them every now and then hoping they are in a good place in life.

Love can’t be conditional.  Because if it were we would be unable to love in any capacity…in every capacity.

And I know it’s hard to do, but unconditional love starts with us.  Stop looking for the light and start emitting it.

Let love be free and pure in every way possible. Give it without expecting it in return. 

Book Two: Two Thousand Seventeen

I refuse to do the, “New year, new me” spill that people feel the need to do every year.  What I will say instead is, new year, new feel.

While I have been slightly less than consistent with posting (please note the name of this blog), that was never my intention. My intention was to be unconventional in following a format, in following the content, but never the amount of content.

So what should you look out for this coming year?  Some minor things.

I originally decided to post every Tuesday.  You can now look for new posts every other Wednesday.  Along with those posts there may be an additional post, when needed, on the weekend.  Guess you’ll have to subscribe to know when those are published 🙂

It’s the look.  It’s the feel.  It’s tired.  So within the coming weeks be on the lookout for a different look and feel of this blog.

Tags!  I’ve been kind of consistent with these, but in case you haven’t noticed:

uprootedflowerchild, qwoc, qpoc, lgbtq, [key word from post], be gentle with yourself

And this is just the beginning, honestly.  The more I develop, the more I will open myself up to different things, including tags.  

As a final note.  I will be sharing.  Before now I haven’t shared this blog with people who know me.  It’s been a struggle. People tend to see different parts of you and not see others.  I’m composed of several parts.  I’m composed of several people.  Sometimes I go by a nickname.  Sometimes I go by my given name.  Sometimes I don’t go by a name.  

My goal has never been to spread more negativity, but to start being the light.  That may not reflect in my every day actions, but know it’s something I meditate on daily.  We are all evolving and, hopefully, becoming better versions of ourselves.

I look forward to going into the new year with all these changes and more.  I look forward to more growth.  I look forward to YOUR growth!  I know 2016 sucked some major monkey balls, so let’s give all our positive energy and prayers to a better year for everyone.